Real Talk: You Are Not Crazy For Still Being In Quarantine/Social Distancing

Hello, lovelies. I just got off the phone with one of my friends and something she said is sticking with me. This is something that we have talked about multiple times before, but I wanted to write about it.

Seeing everyone outside and acting like things are back to normal make me feel like I’m crazy. Like…am I the insane one for still taking the pandemic so seriously?  Looking at everyone hugging their friends and traveling and going to Disney World is incredibly discouraging and scares the shit out of me.

Slash that. It used to scare the shit out of me. It’s been happening for so many months that I’m desensitized to it now. I had to mute a close family friend on Instagram in March because seeing her going out like life was normal and putting other people I know at risk was giving me crippling anxiety.

Now, I see people having big weddings, traveling, going to the gym, and having “socially distanced” get togethers where they are literally hugging each other without wearing masks. I don’t get it! When did science become an optional fact?

This is not going to be an articulate post at all. I just want to let you know that you are not crazy for still being in quarantine. You are probably some of the only smart ones left.

I have seen my friends in person a total of two times, which is a lot more than most, and I thought I was going to die each time. We made sure to sit far apart from each other outside and wear masks, but I was still anxious. If someone got even a foot closer to me, I’d ask them to move away. And my friends aren’t dicks. They moved away and would say sorry because they didn’t notice, but I still felt like I was overreacting. People see my reaction as more justified because I have multiple at risk people at home, but I would react the same way otherwise. 

I think we should care about the random strangers we pass on the street. We should care about our family and friends’ health. After a few months of quarantine, one of my friends said, “I don’t believe that human’s care about other people’s health anymore. But I at least thought people cared about their own.” Even if you don’t die of coronavirus, there are long term side effects that we don’t even know about yet. You could lose your sense of taste and smell. Your organs can be damaged. You are not crazy for not wanting to catch it to begin with. It’s good that you are concerned about your own health.

I’m just going to name some times where my family were exceedingly cautious, now. I am so lucky that my family doesn’t gaslight my fears of this pandemic like the families of some people I know do. I’m grateful that I don’t have to worry about them putting me or themselves in danger (even if the things you read below sound paranoid).

My family drove up to Lake Lanier in May and didn’t get out of the car because it was the most crowded we had ever seen it. We just turned around and drove home.

We have a station set up in our garage to sanitize everything. We don’t go into the grocery store. We had Amazon deliver our groceries the first few months of quarantine then started using grocery pick up. We sanitize everything before it goes into the house and/or leave non-perishable things in a box for a few days before eating it. We also sanitize all our mail and packages and move takeout food to different containers so that we don’t take the packaging into the house.

I told my brother Zidan a few weeks ago that he doesn’t need to wear a mask to water the plants in front of our house. He still does it.

This morning, my grandfather kissed my brother Mysoon on the forehead and my grandma told him he shouldn’t do that just in case he’s still contagious. They both had coronavirus over a month ago in Bangladesh, tested negative before getting on a plane back to Atlanta, and quarantined in their room for two straight weeks. We gave them food through their window for two weeks and they still want to be cautious because they don’t want us getting it.

And it’s been hard. I remember the first time my uncle dropped by to talk with my parents outside at the beginning of quarantine, and my mom felt so guilty that she couldn’t invite him in and had to stand so far away.

We are the lucky ones. I can afford to put my life on hold for a little bit and was able to get into an online graduate school. Not a lot of people were able to change their plans so quickly. I know people who go to work in person but don’t use that as an excuse to act like life is normal (because “I may as well since I’m exposed to it anyway” then spread it everywhere else). They try to be as safe as they can.

Someone I know is postponing medical school for another year and is guilted by her parents about it. I know people who had to postpone their weddings (but thankfully not their marriages 🙂 ) . Every time I hear someone say, “We can’t live in fear,” I want to punch them in the face. There’s a difference between living in fear and being cautious. No matter how desperate we are for life to get back to normal, we shouldn’t want to risk even a single life for that. (A 7-year-old died of Covid-19 for God’s sake and we still kept schools open.)

Okay, back to the point of this blog post. Multiple people have stated to me that they feel like they are overreacting when they are the only ones in a group of friends who wants to wear a mask, and thata the people around them don’t social distance and don’t respect their boundaries. I consider myself a very direct person, but even I have trouble setting boundaries when it comes to not wanting to enter people’s houses and staying far away from them. I’m okay with sitting outside in ninety degree heat for a few hours without going to the bathroom. That’s a boundary I set, but I still feel like I’m overreacting whenever I see other people going about life as normal.

And the point is that life isn’t normal. I’m tired of feeling like shit because I give a fuck about the human race. It’s not even the anti-maskers that bother me anymore (because that’s just plain stupidity that I don’t waste brain space if I don’t have to). It’s the in-general-used-to-be-good-and-smart people who believe in science, who have just gotten tired of the pandemic and are acting like things can go back to normal. The reason my friend and I had this conversation today was that a YouTuber we liked posted a video hanging out in big groups of people and that we’ve been seeing this more and more as time goes on.

Seeing things like that everywhere is the most disheartening thing. I felt anxiety the few times I saw my friends from more than 6 feet away wearing a mask. Then, I see people vacationing in crowded places and are standing right next to friends or random strangers without masks, which makes me feel like my anxiety is uncalled for.

God…I don’t know how to end this post. I saw a comment on TikTok that said, “I lost friends because I chose not to hang out with them inside without masks. And I’d do it again.” This made me so sad because no one should have to lose friends that way. I am by no means the perfect example of quarantining. I don’t even thinks that’s possible. I do my best to stay as safe as I can and am lucky that my household does the same. I’m just writing this just in case everyone around makes you feel crazy for still being in quarantine. (And maybe you can point to me and think “At least I’m not as crazy as her”) You’re not alone.

(I am going to vote early in person though because I don’t want my mail-in vote to get thrown away or go uncounted. That’s gonna be a very stressful day.)

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This was different from my typical content, but I want to write more talkative posts like this. I was going to publish a blog post about building credit in college today, but I rescheduled it to Tuesday. I just needed to talk about this for a bit.

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How have you been feeling?